I’M STILL HERE!

ANNA

My name is Anna and I’m forty-six years old. I was told by my ear, nose, and throat doctor that I had HIV after they had done an MRI of my neck. The reason for this was because a year ago I had a tumor on my jaw on the left side that he removed then and I developed a bump on the other side that was squishy; it turned out to be my lymph nodes had pockets of this virus on them. That’s when he ordered a blood test and I was positive for HIV. The doctor was kind enough to look up information for me on where to go for help.

A little of my childhood: I was sexually abused at age seven till I got pregnant. My mom was an alcoholic and would go on binges and we would have to care for my brother Dan, who was a baby at the time. I have four brothers, the second oldest was the one that abused me. I began drinking with my mom or friends at age eleven, which led me to pot, acid, downers and heroine, really anything I could get my hands on. I got married at sixteen and I was pregnant with a child that I didn’t know if it was my brother’s or my soon-to-be husband. Well, when the baby was born he looked Mexican like his father and not my brother, which angered me because it was going to be my proof of what my brother was doing to me. When I got married, I said I was going to be a good mother but I really couldn’t with all my hurt, anger, and not knowing how to deal with life without drugs or alcohol. So, of course, I was just like my mom: an alcoholic plus I had a big heroine habit with it.

Anyway, I had these classes and had to do something. First I told my husband in the doctor’s office, which he took well, I thought, till we got home and he told me he was going to the store and never came back. I lost everything to where I was living in my truck and I had no job so I was in bad shape. My daughter accepted it. She has helped me so much with being there for me. My son took it bad. He was using drugs at the time and was in and out of jail. My mom and dad accepted it with no problem at all. Me and my kids moved in with them.

I got in touch with the DuPage County Health Department. They told me to go to Catholic Charities and also ask the pharmacy if they would be able to help me with my meds because they were just too expensive for me to pay for. I got help and got my medication that consisted of six pills in the morning, three in the afternoon, and six at night, but now the meds are better and I only take five for the whole day. I developed a kidney problem and had fourteen surgeries. I thought it was because of my HIV. But it wasn’t so then I was blaming myself. The doctor assured me that I didn’t do anything. I got an infection in the incision from the last surgery. It was more than likely, the doctor said, it’s because of my HIV, which left me with an open incision. A nurse had to come to the house and clean it and pack it. Then I found out that I had hepatitis C and had a biopsy of my liver and it was at a 1 to 2, which they have four stages. Then I changed doctors and started going to a lot of groups at Regional Care in Joliet and began a treatment for my hep C, which did not work for me. I became anemic and had to stop the treatment. I had another biopsy and found that I was now at a three.

I’ll tell you I’m scared, but with support from the HIV groups and eating well, I think I’ll be OK. I’m very tired all the time and I got fat stuff on the back of my neck. It bothers me but I’m doing the best I can. I have been in the emergency room a lot for a herniated disc. And have had doctors say, how did you get HIV? Or hep C? I now say, which I really believe, no one is better then anyone else. I tell them it’s not important how I got it, it’s important that we need to find a cure. Then they shut up. My best friend, or who I thought, when I told her at her house that I had HIV, she told me to take my diseased fat butt out of her house and never come back. That hurt me a lot, so now I say if I meet someone that think they could be a good friend, I say before we become friends or start really talking that I have HIV. Some people it doesn’t bother at all, some don’t talk to me anymore, and some ask a lot of questions, which is great to me.

I’ve had problems with nurses at the hospital, which shocks me that they are not educated enough on this disease. It’s really sad that the health people don’t know. It’s really a tough fight, but so is life. I just have two things to really fight for: myself and everyone else living with this disease.

The hepatitis is really the one that is starting to affect me the most at this time: my feet are starting to turn purple and deep breaths hurt. I sleep a lot. I only can do a little bit of things at a time. I run out of energy quickly. The good things are that I met a lot of great people and I also lost a lot of these great people to this disease. I’m so much closer to my family and the people I meet mean a lot to me today because they and I are here today but who knows about tomorrow. But you know as well as I do that’s true with all of life. I’m still here and I plan to be for a really long time.

A lot of times I look back and I can see so much love a lot of people have for the people who are infected with this to mention a few: Pat Lev, my PA, CNA Mary Prestige, Open Door Clinic itself, and Bill and Marilyn and Regional Care in Joliet are just some of the many wonderful people I have met and so many great things they have for us to do that I can honestly say that if I had it all to do again, I just wouldn’t change a thing. I have learned and met a lot of people and I’ve been more educated than I ever would have been. All the dark demons are gone. And I’m still here and will be for a long time.